"Smart people are everywhere, they are just invisible." -Albert Einstein.
 
So, for three years, one of my best friends was in love with me.
And I love him, but not in a mutual way. I feel like I'm in fifth grade.
  "I like him, I just don't like-like him."
However. He never ever, I don't know, gave up on me. Even though it might have been mean, he was there for me and it was pretty great. But he really was a best friend.
I always wanted him to get over me. To find a NICE girl, a MENTALLY STABLE girl. A girl that would feel the same way.
Well.
He's got a girlfriend now.
Her name is Cherise and she's "brilliant" and plays eight instruments. Unnecessary. Ugh, brilliant? What does that even mean? He said she was as smart as I was. (Or, close.)
No.
Oh, and guess what?
  She's crazy as hell. And I can guarantee, not hot enough for it.
"Who's she? Who are you texting? Why are you calling her? Hm?"
  She took his PHONE and read the texts to/from me.
It's only a matter of time before suddenly it's,
 "Baby, I know you guys are friends, but...Well, she just makes me feel like, you know? Could you maybe, ditch your best fucking friend?"
   Oh, I bet she says my name like she's spitting acid. And yet, I want to be happy for him.
I don't even have any extra-special feelings or any of that bullshit. But why are these low-self-esteem, too-much-makeup, losers so crazy, that I can't even keep my best friends?
And, I get it. He really liked, loved, me and I just sort of shrugged. Why do I have to feel the same for nothing to change?
No more phone conversations until three A.M.
Or texts that say, "Hey gorgeous!"
That makes me sound like a low-self-esteem bitch who was taking advantage of him. I wasn't.
 I don't think I was. Was I? I don't know. But this was a two-way street. I'd call him every day, just in case he had to say something and no one else would get it. I still call him 15 times a day, I guess. He never answers before 8:30. I don't get it.

I know how this sounds. 

I am not! in love with him.
But.
I don't like him maybe being out of love with me.

Don't know how to end it today. Don't have an original thought in my head to write. Something I said a lot today, I guess.
"You know how I get sometimes."
                                                                Sincerely,
                                                       I Don't Love You, But I Wish I Did.