"Smart people are everywhere, they are just invisible." -Albert Einstein.
 
So, for three years, one of my best friends was in love with me.
And I love him, but not in a mutual way. I feel like I'm in fifth grade.
  "I like him, I just don't like-like him."
However. He never ever, I don't know, gave up on me. Even though it might have been mean, he was there for me and it was pretty great. But he really was a best friend.
I always wanted him to get over me. To find a NICE girl, a MENTALLY STABLE girl. A girl that would feel the same way.
Well.
He's got a girlfriend now.
Her name is Cherise and she's "brilliant" and plays eight instruments. Unnecessary. Ugh, brilliant? What does that even mean? He said she was as smart as I was. (Or, close.)
No.
Oh, and guess what?
  She's crazy as hell. And I can guarantee, not hot enough for it.
"Who's she? Who are you texting? Why are you calling her? Hm?"
  She took his PHONE and read the texts to/from me.
It's only a matter of time before suddenly it's,
 "Baby, I know you guys are friends, but...Well, she just makes me feel like, you know? Could you maybe, ditch your best fucking friend?"
   Oh, I bet she says my name like she's spitting acid. And yet, I want to be happy for him.
I don't even have any extra-special feelings or any of that bullshit. But why are these low-self-esteem, too-much-makeup, losers so crazy, that I can't even keep my best friends?
And, I get it. He really liked, loved, me and I just sort of shrugged. Why do I have to feel the same for nothing to change?
No more phone conversations until three A.M.
Or texts that say, "Hey gorgeous!"
That makes me sound like a low-self-esteem bitch who was taking advantage of him. I wasn't.
 I don't think I was. Was I? I don't know. But this was a two-way street. I'd call him every day, just in case he had to say something and no one else would get it. I still call him 15 times a day, I guess. He never answers before 8:30. I don't get it.

I know how this sounds. 

I am not! in love with him.
But.
I don't like him maybe being out of love with me.

Don't know how to end it today. Don't have an original thought in my head to write. Something I said a lot today, I guess.
"You know how I get sometimes."
                                                                Sincerely,
                                                       I Don't Love You, But I Wish I Did.

This is an old old old picture I found. I've always liked it. It's a shame, she doesn't look like that anymore. (She grew up.)

I like writing these.

"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education."- Albert Einstein.  
Let Me In was a decent movie, I guess. First half was sooooo boring. Cute kids. I'd go see something else though.

I am skipping school tomorrow.
Just up and not going.
Nope.
At first, it was because I couldn't stand to talk to my best friend?, but now there's other stupid reasons too. I've been breaking my habits and actually trying in school.
To no avail.
My grades are actually worse. And Tuesday, I'll have to go back again.
I shudder at the thought. Well, not really, but it's more emphatic that way. School is a soul-crushing prison.
Run while you can!
Earlier with the colors, now with the fonts. I apologize. It's not as pretty as I think it is.
So I keep talking about my best friend? but have yet to say anything about her really.
The "?" at the end is because after Friday, I don't know where we stand. Actually, we stand pretty far away from each other, which is what makes me wonder.
During the course of knowing her, people "use me" to get to her.
"Does she like me?"
"What's her number?"

And my personal favorite,

"What's your hot friend's name?"
She is a very pretty girl.
I told her how much it bothered me when that happened. I know it's not her fault, or under her control, but I still wanted her to know. The first thing she says is,

"What do they ask about me?"

She makes EVERY conversation about her. The fairytale ended last year, and I see that she's really just an over hyped bitch. (On occasion. She's cool every now and again.)
"Over hyped" was used because she's very popular. 
When she said that anyway, I up and left. Walked away without a word. I hope I knocked her off her high horse. 
(I didn't.)
She ALWAYS complains about being lonely.
Well, pedestals are like that. Only room for one. So QUIT WHINING. 

Because you put yourself on it. 

"We still measure the size and shape of a lonely old blind man's velvet cape."
 Take a day off.
Sincerely, 
          Playing Hookey tomorrow. 

10/10/10

"Tiny sparklets kissed my sun-heated skin and I turned back to see you standing alone with beads of water sticking to your arms. The way they caught the light; I could swear you were glowing."- J. Krell.

 I've never really written anything down before.
Well, that wasn't someone else's. Or for a character in a story.
I recently discovered I'm a lot more comfortable copying and making up thoughts for someone else then writing about mine.

What I Did Today:

(Sort of.)
I got in a fight with my best friend? on Friday.
I told her it's because she was(is) too self-centered.
But I'm typing all this out in the hopes people I will never meet momentarily care about what I say.
And most of the sentences start with "I", which is about as self-centered as it gets. It's really just because she's prettier than me, and she's in love with herself and I'm jealous. She dated a boy I liked.
She says she's not angry. I think I still am.
I just learned how to do the colors. For emphasis.

To Do:

1.Get better and this thing called "blogging".

2.Finish The Island Of Doctor Moreau (Which is excellent by the way.)

3.Write something.

Plans:

1.Going to the movies tonight. Which reminds me, go see "The Social Network". Jesse Eisenburg was Oscar-worthy. 

2.From now on, I will start with a quote I didn't write, and end with something I did.

Too many lists?

I'm going to get better at this. Sorry for the colors. It seemed depressing without them.


 "Even in a world of grey, shades will still change day by day."
                                                       Smile more this week.
                                                       Let's get started.
                                              Sincerely, The Beginning.